If Hey-Zeus was alive..

“He told the jews not to pay taxes”, that was the response of, not a Pharisee or Herodian, but a hip Rasta online friend of mine upon enquiry [by the sister] as to why he considers himself Jesus’ biggest fan. I didn’t want to disappoint him by telling him that was, infact, the opposite of what Jesus did. We all need heroes, especially the down-trodden and confused. He went on trying to discuss how Jesus would act if he was alive today. Who he’d tell to go to the gutters and whose ass he’d kick (between shopping at Melrose Avenue & saving the world, i can only imagine).

Anywho, herebelow is what the folks at everything2.com believe Jesus’ live would resemble if the good man was a citizen of our world in the 21st century. Enjoy!

If Jesus (or whatever other name you’d like to label Him with) were with us today, the first thing He would do would be to sign a book deal and sell the film rights. The talk show circuit, cocktail parties and merchandising would all follow in quick succession. He’d probably become a regular guest on Larry King Live. He’d have a house in the Hamptons, and one in Beverley Hills. He’d marry some second-string Hollywood actress, have a child or two and then get divorced after all the tabloids each published “exclusive” photos of Him cavorting with Russian call girls. He’d develop a cocaine addiction, spend the next few years in and out of rehab, and slowly fade into obscurity, while still earning millions each year in royalties. He’d occasionally be spotted in far-flung locales and at film openings, but would be considered by the industry to be nothing more than a footnote, a has-been, only profitable for them to cover on their “Where are they now?” features. His only continuing claim to fame would be the occasional blatant publicity stunt, aimed at selling a few more copies of his books and films.

Read more here.