Slices of bread with one or more fillings between them

I am obsessed with sandwiches, breakfast sandwiches to be exact. I dream of them. I walk the length of the Salad bar for them. I surf Huffington post’s “food” section to see what kind of sandwiches the world outside is making nowadays. Sandwiches represent more than a food item type.. a cooking genre.. to me. More than the combination of eggs, bacon and cheese on a toasted wheat bread.

Sandwiches represent a life I no longer have. They represent Sunday mornings, when Chris would go to Farmer Boys® at the break of morn [in Sunny Escondido, where the world smiles and the green leaves smile back grateful for their opportunity to shine, at 10 in the morning] and buy us one each plus some fries and drive back before the food went cold; so we can have it infront of our computer – while watching pirated movies from those sites I always stumble upon [with their endless pop-ups and vulnerability to virus attacks]. He says he’ll be back soon when walking out the door, and he’s always back before I’ve finished making the bed or brewing my special brand of “international” tea [Chinese spices, Ethiopian ginger, American lemon and department store tea-bags]. After having the breakfast, him on the barstool his mom gave him when we moved out, and I on the 109 dollar leather swivel chair we bought from Wal-Mart, our faces illuminated by the artificial light from the screen; he’ll go visit his parents who live at the other end of town and I would either do the laundry while listening to “A Prairie Home Companion” or watch another movie.

Farmer Boys® makes a good breakfast sandwich. [As does “In-N-Out” a good burger. And Alberto’s the best authentic Burritos north of the border]. But that’s not what makes it special. That’s not what makes no amount of sandwich gobbling outside California come close to the experience one has with Farmer Boys®’ Egg Sandwich W/Bacon. It’s not the mayonnaise. Or the black pepper. Or the special “animal fat” they use to grill their bacon, or the kind of toaster that browns their bread. The special ingredient that goes into Farmer Boys®’ sandwich, is/was the security and assurance that I had in the little “life” I built for myself. The knowledge [ill-placed though it turned out to be] that I had a future!, with a man!, in a place I can call my own!! Where I can be myself at. Be loved unconditionally underneath the roof of. And get missed were I to go out of it and failed to return at a certain time.

It is never about the sandwiches, stupid! 🙂

Yet..

Now and again..

I find myself obsessing over sandwiches..

breakfast sandwiches to be exact…