Bang Bang (My babe bakes me pies)

October 21, 2013 at 7:13 am 26 comments

You know the temptations of a new relationship that seems to be going well. The private giggles. The dimpled smile at your image in the mirror. The need to stop the “aLafi aGdami” and talk about it. To say: 3 Like a grown-up among children is my beloved among all those I dated. I delight to sit on his couch, and his sense of humor is sweet to my ears. 4 Let him take me to all the places I never dreamt of, To honors I thought were reserved only for the prettiest let his hand over me be firm So i know the earth beneath me isn’t likely to shake [anytime soon]. 5 Strengthen me with patience, refresh me with understanding, for I am faint with cynicism from all the psychos i keep meeting. Etcetera.

But.. being a seasoned woman of the world, who has been through this before and end up wishing “minewu milasen beQoretewu”, you would keep your feelings to yourself; dodge the “L” word and refer to your beau as a “friend” when talking about who you went to watch “The World’s End” with, for example. Keeping your eyes eternally open, you watch and wait: to either be dumped or lied to. When he doesn’t seem to, or feels like the type who may not, you whisper his name among a chosen few. “Mechem..” you would begin, “wondochin mAmen kebad newu” then proceeding with the listing of his “beGo gonoch”; you finalize, with a heart-felt supplication to “Emebrhan”, that you think… you hope … this one is… maybe… a keeper.

Troy is the name of the man to whom my “song of songs” would be dedicated were I the type who goes about comparing a man’s eyes with those of doves, his lips to lilies and his legs to pillars of marble, “set upon sockets of fine gold”. He is a good man. Not the kind who forces you to make endless compromises until you had him [“where you want him”] and don’t have to compromise shit. Not the kind of guy who leaves you hanging, then makes you swallow hard and smile, when you need most to know you were valued. Or the sort who gives you the impression he comes to you because he hasn’t got a better place [a better woman] to go to. [But] The kind to whom your coming to his place is celebrated, not obligated. The man who remembers everything you said you’d like to try; then goes out of his way to surprise you with it. The sort who would tune into your station just so you feel connected despite the distance between your bodies. And watches your favorite movie when you aren’t there because he knows you would like that.

The chap who, on your first date; after the coffee has been drunk and all subjects covered asks if you have some time to take a walk with him. You walk, wondering where he parks his car and how fast he’d wanna get to it. Then suggests if you’d like to sit somewhere. You sit on a park bench and you talk, while his happy eyes wonder on your face every time you turned to look at him. The kind of dude who texts back before the dreaded day was over, in less than two hours, infact, to ask, “So when is our 3rd date going to be?”; before you had your 2nd! The sort of gentleman who would let you take your time, and is actually pleasantly surprised the evening you decided to make out. The kind who goes home, “with a goofy smile on his face”, and texts you how he was feeling like a teenager – and how he can’t wait to see you again – and asketh not why you didn’t ask him to stay over. The mature male who goes into the restroom and lets you calm down on the evening you had your first fight; raged and demanded that you be driven home immediately. And comes out, after like 10 minutes, with sweat breaking on his nose and a demeanor visibly shaken. He entreats, while you are stomping your feet, determined to let nothing stay your departure, if you shouldn’t talk about it. When you break into tears, he holds your hands and sits beside you and tell you, in a calm voice, how he refuses to let that mistake/misunderstanding/action be the end of it. He’d let you cry your tears, fume your anger and still not be willing to let you go despite his readiness to take you home. The type who asks you – without your prompting, without the games women play, without the waiting and hoping and guessing and wishing, to be his girlfriend.. to go exclusively with him.. to choose him above all men for he has already made up his mind you were the girl for him. The man who tells his family, friends and daughter about you without your pushing and proding. The friend who likes taking you on walks, enjoys a picnic or a trip to a museum with you, and spends a whole morning after a whole night’s work to manually burn the songs on his list you kind of liked. The sweetheart who would love to meet your friends. Would want you to meet his. And doesn’t make fun of your asking to have a photo together on important events. The rare him, in short, who not just tells you u were important to him – but shows it.

He is a funny man. Funny in an irreverential way. Only the other day, while yours truly was trying to explain why Ethiopian holidays are “all about food and drink – and not fun” [a result of our history of famine caused by “yeGzer Quta” and the burnings of surplus grain when we had it, making over-eating a rare festive-event] he mentioned how [before meeting me] the only thing he knew about Ethiopia was “Band Aid” and “We are the world”. “Did you know it was Christmas though?”, he added, as an afterthought, making me crack up and abandon my mission to acquaint him with my unique abesha culture. In the endless battle of asserting one’s values and marking territories; Troy has a way of making even “major” differences sound light. “No,” he would say, when I ask him if he has a problem with my thinking gays were made and not born and that I would dislike Daniel Tosh, probably, as much as he loves him, “What i want you to do is like the things I like and have no opinion for yourself”.

He is an adventurous man: In the short time I have known him, he’s taken me Hiking. Camping. Bowling. Bought the full gear and taken me a-tennis playing, which was #1 on my bucket list. Then convinced me to give being an American-kid a try by colliding my bumber-car against fellow riders’ at the Puyllup fair on Ethiopian new year. Despite the head-ache I had from riding a “Scrambler”, also a first!, and the extended-bored looks I got from 8-12 year olds, because of my inability to turn the wheel properly [born of an eagerness not to look like a late-bloomer] it was the most fun I had since I visited Hollywood and then Las Vegas in 2011, courtesy of Chris – another good man I was fortunate to have in my life.

When he isn’t trying to help me see life as an adventure to set on instead of a doom to shy from [for Troy sees the glass as always full [1/2 liquid 1/2 air]]; or teach iTunes how to alphabetize album names by letters and not numbers; or sharpening his craft in hockey so he can play for his favorite team online; or giving baking classes [for free!] for his friends and colleagues; Troy is a dog-owner. His dog’s name is Riley. Riley, who smells like roasted almonds-unsalted, is a mix of pug and bichon frise. He neither shades, nor bites nor barks at strangers he has given the once-over [a cursory lick at your leg to know how salty you are]. That administered, he resumes his either walking around with the perpetual air of someone who isn’t getting the joke; or climb into his cot where he looks out into the world with a vision half blocked by his eyelashes until he perks up, head erect and tail wagging, when his “food guy” enters the room. He likes being petted. He likes being walked. And when he isn’t allowed to spend the night with his master, by virtue of the “girlfriend” being there, he will be found curled outside Troy’s bedroom, his stomach rising up and down in deep sleep. Troy thinks that’s a ploy, a ploy to gain sympathy. For Riley is nothing but heart-breakingly sweet. A sweetness not even an abesha who grew up believing a “Sancho”s place isn’t in a human abode, but a couple of yards outside it – standing guard of the household, at the end of a long leash; can resist.

Last, but not least, Troy is [only] human. Despite his ability to pass off for a cheerful-upbeat person who can make friends with the sourest fellow traveller, he admits to being a dork at heart. A dork who “hates people but loves gatherings”. He is that rare breed of an American who had had a “great childhood” with “giants” for brothers he’s learned the art of surviving on the shoulder of, he would tell you. However, he admits, he has managed to become an “anal retentive” on the way, and likes his things in the order he puts them. If a cyclist cuts infront of him or a motorist fails to wave “thank you” when let pass, Troy isn’t above honking the horn or mock waving a thanks in their place. But he is also a human who takes pleasure in doing things for others .. even if it means he has to carry his whole weight in camping-gear up a trail of 3600 feet elevation after a 12 hr. of “graveyard” shift work. Even if it means reading you to sleep like he wasn’t the one up all night. Even if it means watching a movie for the 9th time, just so there is one more thing bringing you closer- to him – and his mission – to civilize [which I have here decided stands for “‘to see and visualize’ how promising life can get when you are dating a man who likes you the way you once thought you’d like to be liked” :-)].

Knock on wood!


Entry filed under: Latest Posts.

For Babi.. All things scary come to..

26 Comments Add your own

  • 1.  |  October 22, 2013 at 3:17 pm

    this is beautiful !….I am happy for you

  • 2. Scooby  |  October 22, 2013 at 6:14 pm

    Cute dog.

  • 3. Chuchu  |  October 23, 2013 at 7:31 pm

    Hilm teferto sayetegna ayitaderim, abesheetye. So stop apologizing for taking a chance. You deserve to be happy as well as anybody esle.

  • 4. Mitmita  |  October 25, 2013 at 4:13 pm

    I would love me some pies – and a good man. Congrats, girlfriend. it’s about time you found someone who treats u right.

  • 5. DaNegus  |  October 28, 2013 at 4:22 pm

    A man who can bake!! And here I was thinking my room-mate should be castrated for knowing how to cook misir wot. What is the world coming to?

  • 6. Wongel  |  November 4, 2013 at 1:00 am

    Hiya abesheet. I tried to like this post repeatedly but it wouldn’t let me. Enkuan des alesh. I am happy for you. ON a separate note, with regards to your nightmares; I agree with the person who comment before me. As long as you trust in God, evil has no authority overe you. Good luck, my dear sister. Wongel, from Bete emnet.

  • 7. debe  |  November 5, 2013 at 10:14 am

    I love the passion you have for your country. I just wish you had the same love for Ethiopian men. Habesha women have no respect for Habesha men and always humiliate us. I think the main reason for that is Habesha women are not physically attracted to Habesha men most of the time but at least give them a chance. I have been to the middle east and America. Foreigners like sudanese, arabs, blacks say how Ethiopian women are cheap and have no dignity and they always use and abuse them. If you are an honest habesha women and you have to travel to Djibouti, Sudan and Arab countries they will harass you thinking you are a working girl. Where is your pride Ethiopian girls we were known for famine now we are known for having the cheapest girls in Africa.

  • 8. abesheet  |  November 5, 2013 at 5:42 pm

    Hi Debe.

    Welcome to my e-Shoe box. I hear you loud and clear, Wondime, of one’s inability to find onesself attracted to those one is unable to respect! [Malnutrition is a bitch, I tell ya. It not only “ma’aQechech”s the body, but does the mind too]. I also see why [abesha] girls who find it necessary to go to countries like Sudan and Djibouti need to get involved in less than “savory” activities with foreign men. It’s called “survival”, I believe. However, here in America – in the Northwest where I live, anyway – Ethiopian girls are known for their pride, elegance and keeping to their own kind. Every time I met a guy who isn’t abesha for a date, the first thing he mentions is how he has been hearing how beautiful Ethiopian women were and how they only date Ethiopian men. Personally, I think Somali women are the most gorgeous africans, followed by our Habesha neighbours [the Eritreans]. Kenyan men have impressed me as being the most suave [have fallen in love with more than one] and I refer to my South-Sudanese colleagues as “jeepers creepers” [the hunger for love and the desire for acceptance makes them come across as almost creepy].

    So.. maybe.. it’s the city you are in that is keeping you single. Something to think about!

  • 9. debe  |  November 6, 2013 at 9:01 am


    It is amazing to me you support these selfish vermin setegna adarioch instead of working hard and making an honest living like other nationalities they are going to other countries selling there bodies (temple) and ruining our name and honor. Somalian women are the most beautiful I agree with you and have better bodies than short habesha girls. Habesha girls can also learn from them about pride,honor and having a sense of humor. They are going through a civil war and there country is dirt poor but there women rarely sell there bodies around the world. Habesha women on the other hand are hungry for money and fame. That is why most rapers and athletes have Habesha groupies that is a fact I know Drake had a couple. There are also many Habesha Prostitutes and strippers in America. Instead of looking up to become doctors, lawyers most Habesha girls idolize and want to be like Helen Gedlu and Angel Melaku (who was a stripper and escort in DC). HIV/AIDS is also wide spread in the Ethiopian community in DC bc of the promiscuous nature of Habeshan women. Habesha girls need to change stop wasting your time going to hookah bars and clubs all the time to get your meal ticket. Instead be like other proud African girls and get educated. I had to say this rant bc I love my country this is impacting our lifestyle and is very dangerous for our poor country which has enough problems of its own to handle

    As for me I am a tall light skin fella who is in his late twenties so it is time for me to settle down. My parents want me to marry a Habesha but the women I dealt with before were mostly Hispanic and white so I am confused. I am also scared of dating Habesha for fear of getting AIDS .

  • 10. abesheet  |  November 6, 2013 at 4:01 pm

    Oh. So it’s not abesha girls not finding you [and other abesha men] attractive and failing to treat you right that’s bothering you!? It’s really their lack of “pride” and swarming with AIDS!?


    Anyway, if I were you, I won’t let it bother me so much. Let those girls live their lives the way they see fit. And you keep living yours. Isn’t that “yeSiltane meseret”? Live and let live? Alezia.. yeQenah yimeslibihal.

  • 11. debe  |  November 7, 2013 at 6:50 am


    I am sorry I generalized all Habesha women under one brush I should not have done that. Sorry if I hurt your feelings. I know a lot of chewa and educated Habesha women. It is just that over the last 10-15 a lot of bad apples have grown and ruined everything.

    Also I do not want to stereotype but Amhara and Tigray are always the ones giving bad names to other Ethiopian women. I know you are probably Amhara sorry. Harari, Oromo and other tribes are very loyal and clean. Amhara and Tigray women can learn a lot from them. The men from those tribes need to protect there women better also.

  • 12. abesheet  |  November 7, 2013 at 3:27 pm

    Ayyy, Debe yagere lij. If I went around being offended over every unpleasant comment I read [about myself and women-kind], I wouldn’t have in the business of blogging – or being alive, trust me :-). Be that as it may, you know anything that comes after “I don’t want to stereotype but..” is wrong. Yes, I have been told my “zer” combination [60% Amhara, 30% Oromo, 5% Debub and 5% Werji] puts me square into the “Amhara” YeBiher group box. And I do love them white boys. But why my face looks like “kosso yeTeTa sewu” upon beholding an Ethiopian man nowadays has nothing to do with skin color. It has, mostly, to do with the ugliness on the inside that can’t help but manifest itself on the mug. Most look suspicious. Most appear not to have been touched [even grazed] by their interactions with people from all other walks of life!. And they are always “mantelTeling” a phone like “yeJoro geit”. What are they talking about? Other people!! How are they talking about them? Hatefully! Brain-dead-ly! Almost vomit-inducingly!!

    That, my friend, is why I pretend not to speak Amharic when an abesha guy approaches me [that and the “sheffafa” egir; the stunted physique; the lack of personal hygiene]. The few I managed to get to know and learn to respect are still people I hold in high regards [If you are reading this, tedii, you are sorely missed – but no longer desired! :-)].

    Lol @ “the men from those tribes need to protect there women better also”! So many jabs.. so little time.

  • 13. Mitmita  |  November 7, 2013 at 5:54 pm

    Yo Debe, the Taliban called. They want their opinions back.

  • 14. debe  |  November 8, 2013 at 6:10 am


    I can see you despise your own Amhara and Habesha men bc of all the reasons you mentioned. If you are not compatible with northern Ethiopian boys mentally and physically try southern boys who are different mentally and are built more like other Africans you know keep it in the Ethio I really feel sorry for Amhara and Tigray men though when there women talk down on them like this. It is really not an isolated incidence all over the world there women say the same stuff. What amazes me is they are so eager to be with a foreigner they make themselves cheap. For example in the middle east Amhara and Tigray women are play toys for African American soldiers. They call them Ethoes…they beat them all the time sometimes even kill them but they still run after them bc Amhara and Tigray women have no self respect and only wants money and sex. Amhara na Tigray hule endawaredachiun be fit be rehab ahun degmo beshermutna ye Ethiopian sim atatifu ebakachihu.

  • 15. debe  |  November 8, 2013 at 6:15 am

    Mituye why are you being racist against muslims you know half of Ethio population is muslim and I am not even muslim. If you got something to say tenageriw.

  • 16. Scooby  |  November 8, 2013 at 7:50 am

    Belewwww. Can I please state that debe’s views do not represent all abesha men around the world? especially the ones in Germany? Thank you. ~_~

  • 17. Mitmita  |  November 8, 2013 at 1:44 pm

    Yo, idiot! The word is “Islamophobic” and I’m not even that. If you knew Ethiopian muslims at all, you would know the taliban doesn’t represent them. What the taliban represents is people like you who would like to keep society in the the dark ages where they themselves are from.

  • 18. abesheet  |  November 8, 2013 at 2:24 pm

    Debe.. Debe.. Debe..

    You are letting your anger [jealousy] cloud your reasoning, man. You say Ethiopian women [or Amhara and Tigre girls] who date with “foreign men” are practically whores. In the same breath, you tell us that you have only thus far dealt with white women and hispanics. Are you calling yourself “shermuta”, too, brother man? Or — is dating outside your race labeled something else when it comes to abesha men?!

    The rest.. (1) your assumption that I [and all Amharia/Tigre women] date only men of their own “yeZer” group and (2) your repeated claim of Ethiopian women being mistreated by everyone outside home — I will leave it to the judgement of my readers. You just don’t impress me as a very truthful guy, debe. And the more I talked to you to instill a bit more sense in you, the more you seem to exhibit that “internal ugliness” i talked about earlier. And you know my stand on men who are not pretty on the inside :-). It resembles the gesture Lucy Liu gave Samantha on Season 4: Episode 59 of “Sex and the City”, plus the walking away :-). [Oh yeah I love “Sex and the City”! It’s a show about Sex – and a city! About these four gorgeous independent women doing it everywhere in Manhattan with whoever they want!

    Now.. debe.. take a deep breath…..:-)].

  • 19. DaNegus  |  November 8, 2013 at 3:02 pm

    There is a man not getting some for ya. Sexual frustration can be down-right nasty when coupled with arrogance.

    Nice to see you again, Ms Red Hot Peppers.

  • 20. debe  |  November 9, 2013 at 3:42 pm


    I told you I am not muslim you think only muslims say what I say. I never said anything about religion or attacked them for it. You really cant stereotype people or put them in boxes, it is not fair.

    Your other comment about being from the dark ages it is really funny to hear that coming from an Ethiopian. You come from one of the poorest countries in the world, a place where people still defecate in the open in the cities. A country if I started mentioning it’s problems one book will not enough. Without the muslim (Arab) world providing work half the population of Ethiopia will starve. You probably have a relative making a living there. You have been hanging around too many white people you need a reality check.

  • 21. debe  |  November 9, 2013 at 3:51 pm


    How does it feel when your Amhara women say your stunted physically and mentally that was just a low blow…lol. Amhara men need to man up and start drinking protein shakes

  • 22. DaNegus  |  November 10, 2013 at 12:52 am

    If an Amhara woman said that to me, I’ll tell to her to give me an hour in the sack, and see if she wouldn’t start swearing by my name. Fortunately, I have yet to encounter that problem. As for the “protein shakes” comment, I eat men like you who got nothing better to do than pick up fights with chicks for breakfast. Don’t fucking address me again.

  • 23. Mitmita  |  November 11, 2013 at 3:16 am

    You are a waste of my good time, debe. DEDEBE would fit you so much better. Tena yestilign your highness.

  • 24. Ebdu  |  November 14, 2013 at 12:57 pm

    Deben ende abede wusha awakbachu abarerachut? It was just getting interesting. 🙂

  • 25. Wello dessie  |  November 14, 2013 at 10:41 pm

    I am happy you found a reliable partner, abesheet. Gen andand gize abesheet tisasachalesh.Not all Ethiopian men are arrogant or stupid. Not all of us involved in gossip. I myself only get a phone call once or twice a day. i hate people who talk on the phone 24/7 like negade. So i hung up the minute i’m done with my business. All i can say is if you have to judge, judge fairly.

  • 26. niti  |  November 18, 2013 at 6:30 pm

    I date exclusively habesha. I have a weakness for tall habesha men with brains 🙂 Not that I have anything against other ppl. Its just that I feel like they get me. But they come very rare but when they do they are worth the wait. Often times we joke with my friends the Proto Type of habesha men is short/skinny/bold/big belly :)….you guys need to step it up a little bit …work on your sense of style and would it kill u if you work out once a week or sth….???

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